How to Eat an Oyster

Eating oysters in an art that dedicated enthusiasts can master with a bit of practice, perhaps some exercise and most importantly, a willing partner. First of all, given the tender delicacy of the oyster, it is understandably protected by a hard, seemingly impenetrable shell. Before you can delight in the wonderful flavor and texture of the oyster, you must open its shell. Often, this is a difficult step; however, with the correct tools the shell can be easily opened.

While some may try to force their way through the shell or try to pry into it with their tool, a more patient approach is much more amenable. Often a steaming bath will relax the resolve of the most prudish of shells. This is definitely enhanced with generous quantities of an alcoholic beverage: beer will work, but wine is so much more dignified.

When opening the shell, especially the more reticent ones, it is best to do so in a dim light, preferably candlelight. While not always withdrawn, the best oysters are served in a romantic light. Just consider the glistening elegance of eating by the flickering light of a candle, or nearby fireplace.

Once you have properly set the mood and the oyster lies delicately open before you, take a moment and savor the sensation. Breathe the gentle beachfront aroma softly rising from the elusive folds. Feel the subtle heat emanating from the moist flesh and observe the glimmering light as it reflects from the center of your attention.

Before you move, just imagine the tantalizing texture as it teases your tongue; try to picture the taste as your tongue travels the titillating length of its delightful cleft. Let the thought float in your mind as you get lost in the aura of this oyster.

This is not meant to be eaten quickly, not gulped and swallowed whole, no this delicacy must be eaten slowly. Take your tongue, run it gently through the sinewy creases and feel the wonderfully slick texture, the beautifully pliant smoothness, the sensuous daintiness of its form. Trace its length, from first the perimeter working softly inward. Notice the layers of elegant texture undulating beneath your tongue as you move toward the center.

Once you find the center, surrender to the delicate briny flavor. Search for the subtleties in the taste, the sweet curve, the tangy depth, and the salty wetness. Let these sensations envelop your tongue as you probe the intense deepness of pleasure.

Draw the folds between your moistened lips and slide along their curving length. Memorize the glistening landscape with your lips as you draw it, ever so gently into your mouth. Then slide upward with your tongue, parting each fold, upward, further upward. With your fingers, hold the folds open as your tongue moves past.

You search for the pearl, the perfect jewel of every oyster, the slightly hard, but so lusciously smooth bud that almost quivers beneath your breath. As you find it, feel it, almost imperceptibly, move to your touch. Linger on it; circle it with your tongue and then pause.

Hold your head back and notice it gleam in the faint light, watch it pulse as you breath hotly over it, and then take it again, sucking it into your lips. Feel its texture with your lips, savor its warmth, and wet it with your tongue. Feel the intensity increase as the pearl moves silently beneath you, listen for your moans of pleasure as you absorb every nuance of this delight.

Then, quickly return into the folds, downward, deeper into the morsel. Again taste the very center of existence, as the light grows strangely brighter and the waves seem to approach you. Know this liquid pleasure as it intensifies, feel the taste flow over you, wetting your tongue, your lips, your mouth. Let it flow down your chin in the intimate motion of life.

Devour the pearl, pinch it between your lips and then dive into the flavor. Swallow; swallow the wet, the moisture, the flowing light as it undulates to you. Ride each wave, its crest and valley; know the rhythm as it slows once again. Gentle, gently rise, and lick your lips, still savoring the taste. Breathe the fragrance, the humid air and watch the candlelight flicker, reflected in the wet.

Quietly catch your breath as your eyes slowly adjust to the dim light again. Pause a moment and reflect upon what you just finished. Look up lovingly from the oyster and then politely ask, “May I please have another?”